we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
