I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
