he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
