the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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