I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
