No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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