Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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