She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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