I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
