the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I FOUND THE LEGS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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