...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
