Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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