if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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