i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
