to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
