the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
