Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she peed on how many people?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
