you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
this is an emotional support booty call
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
