Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
