apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
