Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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