Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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