I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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