Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
