so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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