Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
