Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
