I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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