New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
