dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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