U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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