I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
