just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
