i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
