you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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