I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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