Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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