Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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