How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
