she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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