My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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