Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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