You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
