yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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