flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
