I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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