My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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