My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
