Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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