I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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