I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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