You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
