his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
