For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
