my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
