o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
