Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize