Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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