He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
