You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
