I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
