I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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